Now I realize that most of you who frequent this blog are not looking for any “God talk,” and if so that’s okay. That’s why I decided to make this page separate. But as you already knew, I am a Christian, and this page is just my way of sharing the hows and whys. And if you weren't interested in reading some “God talk,” then why did you click on this in the first place? ;)
To begin with, I want to tell you how God changed my life. Until you know that story, it’d be hard to understand the rest.
Growing up I heard about Jesus every day. I knew what the Bible said. I knew that he died on a cross and came back from death three days later. I knew that he came to earth to die and forgive me of my sins. But I never truly believed it.
I was a good person. I went to church and school and didn't do anything bad. So like most people, I believed I was going to heaven.
But as I grew older I realized I felt empty and had so much anger. For years I didn't know what peace felt like, even though I still tried to be a good person. More often than not, I failed. I spent years trying to find ways to have that peace.
My older brother had that peace. He had joy and something I knew I wanted. So I watched him, kind of hoping that he would mess up. If he did then it might prove that I was doing just fine. Not only did he mess up occasionally, but he showed me what real faith meant. Even though he screwed up sometimes, he always came back to God, always “got back up” out of his sorrows. He lived with a purpose and so I asked him about Jesus.
And I finally understood that Jesus was what I had been missing. I was a good person, but I had not asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins. I didn't know Him. So I prayed to God and asked for His forgiveness, to come and change my life. And He did!
Now I have God’s peace in my heart, I can feel His love and joy, even when I screw up. My life has changed completely since I turned it over to Him. Each day through reading the Bible and prayer I learn more about Jesus.
Years later, I have learned so much more than I ever thought possible. But the hardest thing about being a Christian is to endure. Endure through the hardships and temptations and everyday struggles. The crazy thing is when you sabotage yourself and do the things you know you ought not to do. Something I've been convicted with lately is my penchant for “flirting” with sin. Lately I've been one of those people who tries to play both sides of the fence too much. I claim to be a Christian and be moral, but then I dabble a little with things that end up hurting my relationship with God.
I wonder why I struggle so much with faith and being close to Him. But it’s kind of obvious really when you think about it. Sin is our actions that separate us from God. Because He is holy, he can’t be around it. And when Jesus died on the cross, he died to save all mankind, to become the sacrifice that was needed to cover our sinful natures. But even if you believe in Him, that temptation is always there to go back to your old ways. And because I've been choosing sin over time I could have spent with God, I do feel distant and alone.
But this weekend, God reminded me that He’s still there. He’s been there the whole time, waiting for me to open my eyes to the truth. And I’m willing to give it up to Him again, let him take the reins of my life and lead, so I can become the person I was meant to be.
Like I said above, this page is going to be devoted to some faith based drabble. If you don’t want to read it, you can just pretend it doesn't exist, I suppose. But for those of you who are interested, I wanted to get a little more “real” with you. There’s not enough honesty out there in the world today and a lot of religion isn't transparent. That’s what I want to be here with you.
For anyone out there who’s hurting and empty, I hope this has infused you with hope in some way.